Am I The Narcissist? A Have A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Have A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I am more typically than not requested the same query: "How do I know I am not the Narcissist?"

When I requested my own therapist this question so a few years ago she answered "If you have been the narcissist you would not be asking that question, because narcissist's won't see that the issue is with them." They're too busy projecting the issues onto those around them.

However our personal narcissism is a matter value exploring in more detail. For example: Why can we ask that query to start with. What's it that makes us feel we are the narcissist?

In talking to a shopper today I had an enormous realization. She was telling me how she was at all times disappointed in her previous boyfriends or partners. They just did not measure up to her expectations. As we dug just a little deeper she defined how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and emotions of inferiority. She has constructed her own illusion or thought of who she was which in her own reality positioned herself upon a pedestal. So in a way she was doing the same thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her emotions of inferiority by placing herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who displays to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has placed herself upon. However as the relationship progresses her feelings of inferiority are triggered as he projects his own inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the sensation of getting her mate disillusioned in her inadequacy just as she has been disappointed in previous partners for their inadequacy.

What is the distinction than between the narcissistic associate and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The shopper I was talking to right now, gaslighting identified along with her companions feelings of superiority and likewise with his emotions of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She did not need to see him harm because she knows how painful it is to expertise those same sorts of feelings. A pathological narcissist might give a rip about his companions harm feelings. He is solely concerned with himself and his own needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the proper match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the illusion of who they consider themselves to be is bolstered to a point where it might feel like Cinderella meeting her prince who takes her out of her hell hole, the place she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Suddenly she is swept off her toes, she fits the glass slipper perfectly, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with beautiful robes and riches match for the queen she is.

Perhaps in this fairy story, Cinderella always fantasized herself to be a queen, however she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by those round her and made to really feel unworthy of the nice things in life. However she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For those of us who come from painful childhoods the place we were in some way made to feel inferior, we are able to easily create fantasy worlds the place we escape into by no means by no means land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and imagine our prince driving up on a white horse and sweeping us off our ft, carrying us from our humble reality to an important castle the place we are treated as a queen must be treated.

In the psychic realm the psychosis of the pathological narcissist is a good match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because on the earth of make believe an amazing fantasy is created where the King and the Queen of never by no means land get together and trip off into the sunset. It's such a good looking love story, in the beginning.

However all glass slippers ultimately break and so do the glass houses the "perfect" couple reside in. There love is not built on anything real, however somewhat an illusion of perfection created by each parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he is saying "be my queen." But as soon as they settle into the Castle the true selves begin to emerge. The emotions of inferiority begin to surface. Both partners do not really want to be found out, less they threat dropping their standing upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I am really a frog?" He would possibly think. And she would possibly wonder "what if he is aware of the reality of me, that I am only an ash sweeper?"